Doggy Bites

* Doggy Identification

A friend of mine has a West Highland Terrier otherwise known as a “Westie.” The dog’s name is Mackie. Another breed, the “Scotties,” look very similar to the Westies but are easy to tell apart as the Scottie is black and the Westie is white. Another difference is that when you call a Westie they will lovingly come to you whereas the Scottie goes in the opposite direction.

* Doggie Relative Value Scale (Haircuts).

My friend pays $35 for a shampoo, cut, style and blow dry for himself. For Mackie the cost for the same services varies between $58 and $68. Upon further thought and self-questioning I will admit the dog looks a lot better than my friend.

* Yard Is Too Small?

Realtors will tell you that prospective homeowners might pay $50,000 to $100,000 or more for a home that is doggy-friendly. There is no way they will let their lovable Rufus or Fifi be uncomfortable or unhappy.

* Overnight Visit

An overnight accommodation at the Vet’s office may cost $75 for Mackie. An overnight stay at Hotel 6 may cost my friend only $35. Maybe that’s because the dog’s TV is larger and isn’t broken. In addition the dog gets more toys.

* Cost of Medical or Vet Appointment Plus Medicines.

The costs of appointments and medicines are often higher for the dog than a man. The doggie meds are frequently the same as those used for humans and get ordered by the bushel and the peck.

* Tender Loving Care

The dogs get more TLC by a mile. Doctors, nurses, assistants and visitors usually find dogs more likeable and will give them lots of attention. No one wants to sit and talk with an old man. Besides, the elderly men won’t fetch.

* Relative Worth?

Doctors and Vets have told me that many men will complain much more when they have to make a $15 co-pay on their wife (who has heart disease) than when they fork over $3,000 in cash for an operation on their dog.

So, in summary, dogs are worth more, make better companions, fetch and don’t talk back.

Michael Arnold Glueck of Newport Beach loves dogs but does not own one. He will gladly pet your dog at the coffee shop.